I don’t know if Terry Crews is a narcissist. He’s not my patient. He did say however that he felt ‘entitled’ to sex with his wife. He said he felt entitled in general. He said that he was more valuable than his wife because he is a man. While ‘entitled’ is the word of the narcissist that does not make him one and while many addicts, porn, sex and otherwise, are narcissists, not all are. Narcissist or not he certainly sounds like he felt entitled and has, at least as he portrays, become humbled enough to recognize no one is better than anyone else.
It takes a lot of courage for someone to reveal their shame, particularly for an NFL player. Understand that it took a lot of work for him to get to this moment. During February Terry Crews, former player turned actor self produced and published on FaceBook Dirty Little Secrets-all 3 of them. His secret-he had a porn addiction for 26 years, since the age of 12. According to the videos-he has been sober 6-7 years.
Secrets have power. Hold onto them and you hold the power. But secrets also kill-letting them out releases their power and sets you free. This is a case where power is destructive-not productive. While no one is better than him, the attention he will get with these videos will clearly inspire may. That’s where his importance can be helpful.
“Porn is an intimacy killer”. Crews said that his 90 day abstinence of sex helped regain the intimacy he lost during his porn use: “People become objects. People become body parts”. Esther Perel, NYC sex therapist says men turn to affairs to avoid intimacy and women do so to seek intimacy. Pornography is not an affair-it is more disengaged ‘relationship’ set apart via a firewall. It destroys the intimacy in the relationship when an addiction is present.
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