Have I known him before? Why is she so familiar? Why did things click the moment I met him?

Diana told me that she felt like Evan’s spirit jumped out at her when she entered the club.  She had never met him but they had spoken on the phone. She had seen his photos online-a google search and a dating website.  Nothing was significant for her until the point of contact.  Something knocked her over.  What was it???

Craig and Sarah were in therapy with me for a long time, with little movement. They were unable to be together yet they were unable to be apart. A third person (an affair) was needed to buffer their connection and they knew that. They were married for 40 years with no kids with conflict at the outset.  What were they repeating in this life that was so hard to change?

These are not uncommon experiences.  In fact, I have heard experiences like this quite a bit in my office, not often so dramatic and more often subtle. Why do we click with certain people quicker, sometimes as if we have known them our whole lives, and with others nothing ever seems to connect.

Relationships and connection exceed what Kabbalah refers to as the 1%. It goes beyond the notion that we attract others who meet our emotional needs, often pathological. We connect with a partner who is like us sometimes and not like us other times or who is like our parent or not.  But there is often a history.  Just what sort of history?

If you believe in reincarnation and past lives, then you will adhere to the idea that you may have met him/her before.  In fact, it is said that we tend to go around with people in several lifetimes.  It may be there he was our sibling, a parent or a child or even a teacher or student from a prior lifetime. It may be that you had a fleeting but important connection with that person before.  There is often unfinished business which now has the opportunity for correction.

Why is this so important?  Why do I have couples who sit opposite me who can’t connect yet refuse to separate despite years and years of contempt and fighting? Why are there couples who are in love but cannot connect sexually? Why are there couples who cannot get out of the parent/child pattern or where one continues to rescue or enable the other? Sometimes, when our emotional experiences in our current life are not sufficient to explain nor change things, the answer lies somewhere in the spiritual DNA. When couples collide the repair might be unconventional!

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